# Danny and Shauna and Alex and Pepper

Danny and Shauna lived down the street from my house. They were so close that I could go and visit them without even crossing the quiet street we lived on. They were quiet, inoffensive kids who were nice to me, so I liked hanging out with them.

Alex and Pepper lived in the other direction, out across the much busier street that, once upon a time, I biked down in pursuit of my cousin and ended up getting lost, only to be saved by a block parent.

I liked hanging out with Alex and Pepper. Alex had a frenetic sort of energy and found everything hilarious. His outlook made him very enticing for a young kid who was generally just really quiet.

Alex and Pepper ended up moving away when I was a kid. Something about their parents breaking up, or Alex needing to go to a special school or something. But the one day he came over, and Danny and Shauna were visiting, I would learn later, was to say goodbye. He did not tell us that. He came over and played. My brain wants me to tell you that Alex was more high energy that day than before, but I have to tell my brain to stop. That's my forty-five-year-old brain filling in the gaps that ... eight? maybe nine-year-old me clearly could not remember. Especially in the wake of what would come.

I have some idea what set Alex off that day. Likely it was his mom or his dad coming to find out what was taking so long, or to remind him that he wasn't here to play. But a switch flipped in Alex, and before anyone had any idea what was happening, he had his arm around Shauna and an opened jack-knife to her throat.

Voices were most definitely raised, and Alex was crying. I sat there, wide-eyed, with no idea what was happening. It felt like I was maybe watching a show, or like it was just a continuation of our game. I do know for sure that I never saw Alex or Pepper again. The situation must have been de-escalated, and Alex bundled off with his parents, but I don't remember how the situation ended, and I do know I was bundled off to Red Deer to visit my aunt and uncle and my cousins.

I asked about Alex and Pepper very often. I missed them. They must have been the first people who ever left my life, and I didn't understand. But we did not discuss Alex and Pepper. Like, ever. My questions were squashed, and the subject was changed no matter how often I brought it up. Danny and Shauna never came over either. I would see them every once in awhile until they moved away, which I think was pretty soon after. I'd imagine it's pretty hard to hear that a kid had a knife to your daughter's throat without wanting to live somewhere else.

It only occurred to me, just today, how truly fucked-up that situation was. My parents did a lot of work downplaying what had happened, and I guess I accepted that and moved on. I don't even really know what brought it to mind this morning, but I knew it was something that I wanted to think about a little more, and hey, you're here, and I haven't exactly been filling up the ol' internet with my thoughts lately.